I recently posted on Facebook about how I needed some ideas on what i should write on my blog, or what people may want me to talk about. Ive been writing on and off the last couple years and somehow never get around to actually posting because I never finish a whole post. Isn't that crazy? I guess not for someone with ADD but I made it a New Year Resolution, that I would be better at this blog thing, so i intend to do just that.
A lot of the comments left on this post were actually really great ideas, stuff I had already thought about and stuff I hadn't. One post in particular really caught my attention, it was a comment from a beautiful aunt of mine and her comment said, "write about what its like living back at home, while you are already married (something along those lines)." Now, ill be honest, at first glance it was kind of a jab at the heart. Im telling you it was a quick hot second of insecurity. Its a topic that I would never have thought about writing but Im happy she did mention it because I think theres no one better to speak about this than me (I say that jokingly, but its kinda true haha).
Its something that my inner circle has already heard me speak about. This very topic has been the start of many arguments, the middle of finding God again and the ending of many misconceptions I had before getting married. Ive seen the worst in myself and in others because of this and grown and developed relationships as well. You see living back at home may seem like a good idea, until its happened.
I currently am living with my parents with my 1 1/2 year old daughter. I AM married and very much still planning to be married, so you may ask...why are you still living with your parents? Well my circumstances have me here, my husband is in Spain pursuing his career and dream (which I support 100%), but this is not where this story starts, its simply where it ends.
Three years ago, I got engaged to the love of my life. We had a plan, like any other couple...we set the date JULY 7, 2012, he would return from his rookie year in Spain and we would get our dream wedding (pricey, in other words). At the time, money was not an issue, we just wanted the best. The idea was that I would plan the wedding, him and his team would win the playoffs, hed get back just on time to get married, we'd honeymoon small, and then really honeymoon on our way back overseas for the next season. God had a different idea though. One game into playoffs, my husband (fiancé at the time) gets seriously injured...serious stuff. An injury so bad that he would need major surgery on his knee. With the wedding a couple days away, he had to refuse the only therapy the team could offer him and play his chances on ever getting better. So he wheeled his way onto a plane, and landed in South Texas where I waited.
In our minds, we really didn't anticipate how long it would take for him to get back on the court...if ever. We honestly thought he'd just have to sit out half a season if anything, but we were wrong, without the proper therapy or help...it was impossible, without enough funds to help us out we had to move in with my parents.
It took 2 years for my husband to finally get better and get a contract to go back. In between that time, we lived with my parents, in a house with some friends in west texas, back with my parents, in a tiny RV (I can't even call it an RV, it was tiny), then when he went back to Spain I moved to an apartment with some friends for about two months or so before I ended up back here, at my parents house again. Its been a tough long journey, and Ill be honest, Im still not sure whats gonna happen next but I am ready to fly haha. (NOT LITERALLY) Ive learned so much about what its like to be married and living with my parents again and maybe you will laugh at the coincidence if you too have been in this situation or make you think if your planning to go back....heres just eight of those things:
1. Parents will always have your back! You can see this as a good thing but its also VERY bad. For example, an argurement your husband and you are having over something dumb won't seem dumb to them, and when you forget it they don't.
2. There can only be one man/head of the home. This was especially hard for my husband because many times it felt as if he was an adopted child, and we all had to abide by the rules. He even told me once that it seemed as if he was just a friend over at the house all the time. He could never make himself at home. (poor guy:( )
3. Intimacy is not so intimate anymore. Yup, this was a tough one for me. We definetely couldn't be as sexual or intimate as most couples because imagine the feeling of walking right out of the room with your husband to go have breakfast with your dad. Ew! Not cool.
4. They find out EVERYTHING. You know those things that your parents really don't need to know about your spouse or yourself. Things that should only be spoken to between husband and wife, yeah, they know. And its not like your face can hide it either.
5. Space gets tight. Literally and I guess not so literally, you are married, if you have furniture, clothes, kitchen appliances, anything that could fill a home....now you've combined it with another home. It gets tight and uncomfortable, for both parties.
6. Chores have never been harder to accomplish. Cooking is horrible. Ok, so my mom had to cook for my dad and my brothers, then I had to cook for my husband...mind you sometimes it was at the same time. Two woman, one kitchen equals disaster. Then laundry couldn't get done cuz you have to wait until everyone else finishes. Then the Who-is-going-to-clean-this fights. Its just a complicated situation.
7. We all grow up differently. This is an obvious one, thats not so obvious. (get it?) Well what I mean is that even though this was obvious, it still was crazy to us how different we actually were. Almost to the point that we didn't want to believe it and we would try to fix each other rather than realize neither of us were wrong, we were simply different. BUT when you live where the majority believes one thing, you get singled out as the "wrong" one.
8. Its easy to forget your married. While you may not actually forget that your married, you may not realize that you left your partner at the door when you checked into your parents house. Its crucial, not to forget that this is not someone you've brought into your family from the outside, but that he/she is a part of you now and that nothing will break y'all, y'all are now one and y'all are checking in together. He/she is now what you will fall back on when it comes to finances, emotional support, a laugh...etc. Its so easy to adjust back into child mode because you've spent most of your life as their child.
"'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?" Matthew 19:5. I really believe God knew what He was doing when he inspired this into the bible. Going back home with a spouse is not the easiest or smartest thing to do, but I will say with even many falls and punches along the way, if you hold on to one TRUE thing, His word..."For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11, you will come out stronger than you went in, because everything that was designed to break you, didn't. Thank God for that.
